My Little Noah

Diagnosis: Chromosome 18 Deletion

By Noah's Mommy

A little over one month ago my husband and I got news that something was wrong with our pregnancy and it was recommended that we have a Chorionic villus sampling (CVS) done. We scheduled the first available appointment for five days later and the CVS was performed. The FISH results came back normal, and everything looked good. There was a 1% chance that there might be something wrong. Ten days later, at 16 weeks of pregnancy, we received the full results from the CVS; our little boy had Chromosome 18 Deletion; I was terrified.

We met with a genetic counselor to go over this rare disorder and our options. We have a healthy 2 year old little boy, so we were faced with the most difficult decision: to continue the pregnancy knowing this child would struggle forever or to end the pregnancy. In the best interest of our little boy at home and for our unborn baby Noah who would have to fight his entire life with this genetic disorder, one week later, we decided to end the pregnancy.

I have ultrasound pictures of my little Noah at 6 weeks, 8 weeks and 14 weeks, I felt him move and I heard his heartbeat. I don’t want to forget Noah but I also have to try to heal for my 2 year old. I don’t know where to put the pictures that are still on my fridge.

Since we are unaware if we are carriers of this chromosome we were both tested and are now awaiting results which take 10 days. If we are not carriers then the chance this can happen again is 1 in 40,000. However, if one of us is a carrier our chance is 50/50. Regardless of the results, I don’t know how to move on. Everyday I try to call a therapist but I can’t get words out to talk.

I know deep down my husband and I made the right decision but I am hurting and missing my Noah. We chose the name Noah for its meaning: Rest and Peace.

I love you my little man.


Books on Loss and Grief

Our Heartbreaking Choices: Forty-Six Women Share Their Stories of Interrupting a Much-Wanted Pregnancy

The Dive :: A Memoir

A Time to Decide a Time to Heal: For Parents Making Difficult Decisions About Babies They Love

Precious Lives Painful Choices: A Prenatal Decision-Making Guide

Sunshine After the Storm: A Survival Guide for the Grieving Mother

Empty Cradle, Broken Heart, Revised Edition: Surviving the Death of Your Baby

Empty Arms: Coping With Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Infant Death

A Silent Sorrow: Pregnancy Loss

Unspeakable Losses: Healing From Miscarriage, Abortion, And Other Pregnancy Loss

Surviving Pregnancy Loss: A Complete Sourcebook for Women and Their Families

Difficult Decisions: For Families Whose Unborn Baby Has a Serious Problem

Books for Fathers, Family, Children and Friends

Couple Communication After a Baby Dies: Differing Perspectives

For Better or Worse: For Couples Whose Child Has Died

How to Say it When You Don't Know What to Say: The Right Words For Difficult Times

A Guide For Fathers: When A Baby Dies

When Your Friend's Child Dies: A Guide to Being a Thoughtful and Caring Friend

When Pregnancy Fails: Families Coping with Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Death

What You Can Say When You Don't Know What to Say: Reaching Out to Those Who Hurt

Books about Trying Again and Pregnancy after Loss

Journeys: Stories of Pregnancy After Loss

Trying Again: A Guide to Pregnancy After Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Loss

Pregnancy After a Loss: A Guide to Pregnancy After a Miscarriage, Stillbirth, or Infant Death