Isaiah's Story

Diagnosis: Anencephaly

By Isaiah's Mother

My first baby was born after 87 hours of labor two months early. She was a handful but the love of my life. At the time I was in a challenging marriage and I gave up. I felt that this would be the most difficult thing that I ever did. Time passed and when Morgan was two, we met my current husband. It was love at first sight for Morgan and Bill. We were so blessed and excited when we found out that Morgan would soon be a big sister. Bill had been anticipating fatherhood for years. Noah was born so healthy. Life just could not have been better.

Then we found out that I again was pregnant 16 months later. What was I going to do? How do you carry three kids with only two arms? This was a very hard pregnancy. Not long into it I got a virus that along with morning sickness literally disabled me for over two weeks. I had an ultrasound and they discovered that I had placenta previa and bleeding inside. A little over a month later I got kidney stones for the second time while pregnant. I was hospitalized for a week and feeling like I had not been a very good mother to Morgan and Noah through out the last four months.

In my fifth month they sent me for an ultrasound to check on the placenta previa and Bill and I were going to find out the sex of our baby. We both had worked that day and I wanted to take Morgan. She sang to my belly and always talked about how this was going to be her baby and how, when Mommy and Daddy brought the baby home, she would take care of it. When we arrived at the doctors we joked in the waiting room just like school kids. We had even brought a videotape to record the ultrasound. When our baby appeared on the screen it was so big and healthy looking. I was overwhelmed at this miracle inside of me. My husband asked the tech about the placenta previa and she said that it actually looked good now and then he did it. Then he asked the worst question of my life, "Do you see anything else?" She quickly said, "yes," so quickly that we thought she misunderstood him. She said our baby was anencephalic. She showed my husband as I lay there crying and with my hands over my eyes. She said there was nothing for us to do. We fought on the way to the doctors and back at home. My husband kept using the word terminate. I said I could not, that I love this baby and that God did not do this to us, he doesn't do things like this. I felt as though my life, my marriage, and family was over. I had no idea how I would get through this sober, let alone alive. My doctor told me that if our baby lived through birth that he would only live minutes. He encouraged us to carry to term.

I went into the hospital to be sedated. While there I got the news that we were having another baby boy. I came home for a few days and then went to the city to induce labor. My husband and I finally agreed that we could not mentally handle carrying another 17 weeks knowing that our baby boy could and would die at any time. We held our precious baby Isaiah for two hours after he was born and died. When he was born I had such peace. He was finally okay. All this time I was upset because as a mother you are supposed to be able to help your children. God didn't need my son, but Isaiah needed God.

Many people say that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Well, although I am alive today, there is a part that is dead, so hurt and numb. I realize as a mother how lucky I am because I was there when my beautiful son came in and out of our lives. I was blessed with every moment and although it was short, I got it all. "Some people only dream of Angels. We held one in our arms."


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