The Right Thing

By Nyree

Hello Everyone,

I don't know if there's anyone here who remembers me. My name is Nyree. I'm Zabelle's mom (Turner Syndrome, AHC 10/15/99). I haven't visited here in a while, but I always think of my angel girl and this wonderful support group and how helpful it was to me during my grief.

Just a quick update on me: I went on to be a part of the Subsequent Pregnancy Discussion (SPD) listserv and after a miscarriage had a healthy baby boy... or at least I thought he was healthy. We discovered he had autism when he was two. He's now five. Life has been very, very stressful (to say the least) for the past several years.

I just want you to know that as much as I absolutely love my son and would do anything for him, if the amnio could have shown autism — as it did for Turner's Syndrome —I would have terminated my pregnancy with my son. Some days I wish I were as "lucky" as some of my friends on SPD who couldn't conceive. Isn't it funny how we don't think things could be any worse than what we are going through? Thinking that not being able to hold our baby in our arms is the worst thing in the world?

I sometimes wonder if I was meant to have a life with a child with a disability. But I don't really believe that. I absolutely love my son as I love my angel daughter... and know that they both have taught me the same lesson: unconditional love.

I'm finally accepting the life I have to live — I'll do whatever I need to do to care for my son for the rest of my life. But I just wanted to share with you (especially newly bereaved moms) that you did the right thing... your child knows your absolute unconditional love for him or her. I don't know why I'm sending you this note this late tonight out of the blue, but perhaps there's someone who needs to hear it right now.

Hugs and love,


If one in 166 kids were being kidnapped, we'd have a national emergency.
We do... it's called Autism.


Books on Loss and Grief

Our Heartbreaking Choices: Forty-Six Women Share Their Stories of Interrupting a Much-Wanted Pregnancy

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A Time to Decide a Time to Heal: For Parents Making Difficult Decisions About Babies They Love

Precious Lives Painful Choices: A Prenatal Decision-Making Guide

Sunshine After the Storm: A Survival Guide for the Grieving Mother

Empty Cradle, Broken Heart, Revised Edition: Surviving the Death of Your Baby

Empty Arms: Coping With Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Infant Death

A Silent Sorrow: Pregnancy Loss

Unspeakable Losses: Healing From Miscarriage, Abortion, And Other Pregnancy Loss

Surviving Pregnancy Loss: A Complete Sourcebook for Women and Their Families

Difficult Decisions: For Families Whose Unborn Baby Has a Serious Problem

Books for Fathers, Family, Children and Friends

Couple Communication After a Baby Dies: Differing Perspectives

For Better or Worse: For Couples Whose Child Has Died

How to Say it When You Don't Know What to Say: The Right Words For Difficult Times

A Guide For Fathers: When A Baby Dies

When Your Friend's Child Dies: A Guide to Being a Thoughtful and Caring Friend

When Pregnancy Fails: Families Coping with Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Death

What You Can Say When You Don't Know What to Say: Reaching Out to Those Who Hurt

Books about Trying Again and Pregnancy after Loss

Journeys: Stories of Pregnancy After Loss

Trying Again: A Guide to Pregnancy After Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Loss

Pregnancy After a Loss: A Guide to Pregnancy After a Miscarriage, Stillbirth, or Infant Death